I am 38, not married and have no children. My mom says, “A woman’s life is short”, so I need to be more agreeable to find a husband. A gynaecologist once advised me “to have a baby for myself”, another one told me to freeze my eggs just in case. The society expects me to have an offspring, to buy a flat, to be happily married, to post Instagram selfies, while men expect me to invite them for sex.
I want to try on this role of a happy and accomplished one. Who are all those beautiful and happy women? How do they feel? I post ads on dating apps, inviting men to live one of the how-it-should-be stages with me and to have a photo taken.
While shooting, I look into the camera. Why do all the shots become “selfies”? Aspiring to outdo myself, why do I seek other people’s approval and attention? When I live “such” a life according to the role, what if I lose myself? Does it mean that I’m trying to get to know myself better?
The need to “be accepted” brings me to controlling my life, creating a self-impression and seeking approval. “Likes” are now a new key element to determine my life. I have to choose what I can present in the public space and what I’d better keep to myself.